Wal-Mart Bingo

Disclaimer:  Sorry 🙂

I dispise going to wally world.  They move stuff constantly, the lines are really long and the poeple encountered, ………. well.
Tim and I invented this game for when there is just no getting around it and we have to go.   Its fun to play in the parking lot, the grocery section, electronics, the check out, pretty much everywhere.  Make your own list or borrow from this one.  I would love to her your Wal-mart bingo experiences.

1990’s Lincold town car with spinners
an entire family in camo
the mullet – bonus is its a she mullet, or shmulet
little kids sucker punching up the produce
Mini van with flames painted on the side
butt crack on isle five
when checking out an associate comments are more than three things in your cart
find something dead

What Can Brown Do For You?

I use to blog elsewhere, orgianal air date Feb2008

Disclaimer:  When there is a need for a disclaimer you know it is going to get bad.   I believe in women’s rights and personally view the purchasing of another human being as “not cool”.    I do understand that there are cultural, political and religious practices that apply to marriage that are different than my own.  This post is entirely tongue and cheek, mostly to satisfy rebuttal to the Fred Doll blog :). 
I have a dear friend that I have always wished I could just materialize for him the perfect woman,  right in front of him*poof*.  Years ago I even set him up on a double with my best friend, I bet y’all had forgotten about that.  I have been joking that he needs to look into the mail order bride business scandal.  Pick up a catalogue, pick out a bride, grab a “learn to speak Swedish” audio set, and no problem.   They could do a fund raiser at his work; sell tickets to the wedding to cover the cost of the overnight shipping.  Who wouldn’t pay money to watch some foreign chick get in way over her head???  (Cheap shot, sorry man)  Anyway – I figure like any other sale it’s the add on packages that seal the deal.    In this case he asked for a gamer package.  I smirked  that damaging smile and went with it.    I decided she would come with her own pink game controller for every system they make, fetch jolt cola on command, never walk in front of the tv, and can hook up surround sound.   What a wicked sweet deal. 
I ran this past my friend.  He thought it was great. The only problem; he was going to have to get twins, one for his friend.   We would hate for jealousy to come between two, ehhm, grown men.  So be watching for that UPS truck, gosh I hope there is a this end up thingy on the box. 

Prey Tell

With my mom visiting these past few weeks we talked about lots of fun memories. 
My mother is a marine biologist and an animal lover to the core.  Several years back there had been a concern  with shore and marsh birds turning up dead with no apparent cause.  One summer afternoon mom and I were walking on the beach and she found a dead osprey. She was very concerned and wanted to have her friend at the university perform a necropsy.   She picked something out of a nearby trashcan, wrapped it up and we took it home.  Looking back at this I really think I should have been one freaked out kid, but that was just what mom did, field work.  It was just “no biggie” as she would say. 

My dad had been on business trip for a few days and gotten home that night.  He went to the kitchen for a late night snack.  That’s when he opened the freezer door and out of our harvest gold side by side the osprey carcass flung itself to the floor.  I can remember lots of noise and “holy shit, holy shit”.  The osprey’s talons had gotten caught on the shelf inside the door, giving it a final flight towards its scrambling prey.  Its been over 20 years and dad still brings it up.

Fred, He’s such a Doll!

I use to blog else where, Original air date:  11Feb2008
Disclaimer:  this is not a put down on my husband or any other men.  So don’t tell me it is or I will show you a real put down *wink*.
I have never been seen as a relationship advice go to person.  I have a marriage and like any other it works, most days.   Trials, accomplishments, the good the bad the ugly (well not me I’m cute, not ugly).   However,  I will give relationship advice  whether you want it or not, doesn’t really matter to me.  Through a little tongue and cheek humor with a girl friend we came up with the perfect man.  The Fred Doll ( due to anonymity, licensing and contract rules we have to call him Fred).  Just look at him he is a prime specimen.  Perfect nicely tanned (plastic) body that never ages.  He is the best listener ever.  Won’t complain if he doesn’t like what is for dinner, because he doesn’t eat.  Always stares at you with those bedroom eyes; you know he is a devil in bed.  Washes easily with warm soapy water.  On and my favorite, his underwear are attached!!!!  You will never find them in strange places like the lampshade, the dishwasher or the kitchen sink.   Oh and ladies helloooooo, he comes with a sports car and no television.  Pitfalls (you know there would be some): limited hair color/style, you do have to pick out his clothes and dress him, and um he is kinda short.  All in all sounds like a winner.  What do you think?  (oh I crack me up)